No, I am not okay.

Image

Clomid round 1 was a fail. AF showed her pretty little face yesterday. I’m heartbroken. But mostly I’m pissed at my body for not doing what it’s meant to.

The doctor called me in another rx of Clomid, double dosage from last month. I’m at Rite Aid just now getting it filled and while I’m there I pick up some opks, preseed and primrose oil. The cashier notices these things… This is our convo:

Cashier: “Good luck”
S: “Thanks, I need all the luck I can get.”
C: “Yeah, some people are just pregnant like that.” Snaps fingers.
S: “I hate those people.”
C: “Well you can hate me, my husband looks at me and I get pregnant.”
S: Rolls eyes & grunts. “I wish that was my problem, it’s been a year.”
C: “Oh that’s not bad!”
S: Rolls eyes & grunts. “I guess not.”

REALLY LADY? GO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE. Not only am I hormonal and on my period but I am heartbroken and pissed. Screw you and your fertility.

I am not okay. And right now, that’s okay. Tomorrow I will put my big girl panties on and suck it up. I’d love to say “I Quit” this roller coaster ride but I can’t. Because I want a child and I will do whatever it takes to have one.

Bring on the Clomid.

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “No, I am not okay.

    • So true. No one ever has the right words to say, usually they have all the wrong ones! Even my own Mother! haha But the truth is, they don’t mean any harm.

  1. I feel you about being pissed at your body and not being ok some days! I’m constantly in a battle with my body (or my husband’s, or life in general) for not doing what it is supposed to, but you feel like you can’t tell people about those battles b/c they will say that you “shouldn’t feel” that way. If only it were that easy to only feel how you “should”, and not how you actually do, there would be no need for a large portion of our society (psychologists, self help books, mood altering medications)! And sorry for the cashier’s response…sometimes I wonder how many times I’ve ruined someone’s day by saying something stupid because I just didn’t know…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s