Mama said there’d be weeks like this?

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My week started bad and just got worse. Let me break it down for you.

Tuesday I was supposed to start injections for my first round of IUI. I was nervous all morning before my appointment. I was not looking forward to starting this while E was gone. The nurse starts to prepare all the drugs then remembers she has to go over my blood work…. My estrodial was high. VERY high. So she brought the RE in and did an ultrasound to see what is going on in this crazy body of mine. HUGE endometrioma (chocolate cyst) on my right ovary. Like giant. Bigger than the one they removed at my surgery in January. He said my ovaries look bad and he couldn’t believe I just had surgery this year. He brought in the other RE and the two of them and the nurse looked over my scans. All 3 agreed IUI is not the way to go right now. Then they dropped the bomb… they are fairly certain IUI will never be the way to go and that my tubes are likely blocked. I still have my HSG scheduled for next week, but none of us have high hopes. They started me on birth control to regulate my hormones and prepare me for IVF in January. BIRTH CONTROL. Like… really? I have been ttc for nearly 2 years and now I am taking birth control. I always knew IVF was a possibility but I NEVER thought it would be my only option. If this HSG confirms our worst fears, I will never conceive naturally.

My heart is completely broken. I left the doctor sobbing. Returned to work, shut my office door and cried on and off all afternoon. Sobbed on the phone with my Mom the entire way home from work. Sobbed alone on the couch all night.

I prayed all day that I would finally hear from E and I could cry to him. God answered that prayer. I finally heard from my husband late Tuesday night. I started crying the minute his number popped up on my phone. And he knew just what to say. He told me we will be fine, we will do whatever we have to to have our family and that it will be fine. We will be fine. We will be fine. And we will… It’s just going to be a long bumpy road. I am so thankful I have him to walk down this road with.

So, Wednesday I scheduled a last minute chiropractor appt because all the stress from the passed couple days had gone straight to my back. I hadn’t been in months so the Dr. was asking me what was going on. I told him it was stress and explained that I was struggling with infertility. What did this idiot man say to me in response you might ask?! “It could be worse.” & “Count your blessings.” & “You can always adopt.” SERIOUSLY? FUCK OFF. Yes it could be worse, I could be dying from cancer but DO NOT minimize my pain. Fucker. If I wasn’t in so much pain I would have left his office. But I NEEDED an adjustment. Needless to say I will not be going back to him.

The bad news doesn’t end there. E was supposed to be home from Ft. Polk this week… it got pushed back to next week. No idea why. They are done with their training and are pretty much just sitting around. My guess? Lack of preparation. They probably didn’t book the buses far enough in advance to bring the guys back to Bragg. Typical Army bullshit. It never ends.

I have been able to talk to E all week since he now has his phone back, which is nice. But I am just ready for him to come home. It has been a long month.

So that’s my week. I hope and pray everyone else had a better week than I did! And thank you so so so much for all the kind words on my last post. I am so blessed to have found this community.

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7 thoughts on “Mama said there’d be weeks like this?

  1. I am so sorry that all of this is happening to you and happening at once. Hugs! It is so strange to take BCP when TTC, isn’t it? I’m sorry you had to put up with those insensitive and rude comments. 😦 I’m glad you got to talk to your husband. I wish he got to come home to you on time. Be kind to yourself and do some special this weekend! ❤

    • Thank you for the kind words & support. This has been one hell of a week but I am looking forward to this upcoming week. My husband will be home and we can really make an IVF game plan. Gotta keep on keeping on!

      Thanks again girl!!

  2. This journey is so hard. I was crushed when we had to move on to IVF – sort of like the last frontier. But it worked for us – and if it gets you that baby, then the end result is the same, no matter the means! Praying IVF is a success for you!!! Hugs!

  3. the infertility journey is tough, you get knocked down a few times but you always find a way to get back up because you know that you can’t quit. I’ve been where you are and my infertility journey hasn’t ended yet but I’m not a quitter either. I hope that your HSG blows out whatever may be in your tubes, if anything…that can happen. If not then I hope IVF brings you your bundle of joy!

  4. Thank you for the great gifts you sent me during the mug exchange! I loved them all especially the Happiness Journal. God bless you. Praying for your success!

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