Grow Babies, Grow!

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Just a quick update for everyone… we currently have 6 embabies growing at the clinic! There’s my lucky number again!! ❤  We are over the moon!! Transfer will be tomorrow morning. In the mean time I took the day off work and I am going to get a full body massage at noon. Working on my relaxation for the big day. We am so anxious to get 2 of those babies back where they belong.

Thank you to everyone for all the support and well wishes. This TTC community has changed my life!

love love love,
S

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8. Eight. 8.

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I started writing a blog this morning about bitter infertiles I have encountered recently, but I will save that for another day because right now I am too excited to rant about that.

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My egg retrieval was this morning and we got 8 eggs!!!! Last time we got 14 eggs but only 2 fertilized because we opted out of ICSI due to financial reasons (forever kicking my ass for that decision). But this time we are doing ICSI and potentially assisted hatching, so I feel much better about the potential babies. I am so anxious for our embryo transfer on Saturday, we are ready to get those babies back where they belong! Saturday is the perfect day for the transfer, the date is 6/6… and 6 just so happens to be my lucky number! That has to be a sign, right?

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Right now, I am feeling pretty crampy, sleepy and groggy I am just lying around in bed with the fur babies and being waited on by E. I’m going to try and go to work tomorrow, but we will see how I am feeling. In the mean time I will just be day dreaming about my babies!

Send prayers our way for a good fertilization report and a successful transfer!!

love love love,
S

Giving it to God

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How many times during our various struggles do we say “I’m giving it to God!” as we throw our hands up? Hundreds. I have said, typed and thought those words over and over and over the past few years but have I ever really given it to God? Nope. Not once. Not until recently. I have wanted to give it to God but instead I have worried, stressed myself into full blown panic attacks, cried, begged, pleaded, googled myself to death and just plan NOT given it to God. Before I started this IVF cycle I can truly say I have finally let go of the infertility reigns. As a result, this cycle feels so much different. I feel at peace. Things haven’t exactly been smooth this cycle but I am not panicking and I am not crying. I KNOW God has a plan. I know his plan is THE plan and it is better than anything I could have ever imagined. I know that in time, I will understand why we have gone through this. Everything will reveal itself when God sees fit. And for once I believe that 100%. If this doesn’t work we will seek adoption. My heart has always been open to adoption and if that is God’s plan, then we are both ready to start on that journey. I am not admitting failure yet, I want more than anything for this to work. I just am at peace with any outcome because I know in the end it will be perfect and we will have our family.

I know we are all in different stages of this horrible disease but if you haven’t yet, or you’ve tried and failed… take a deep breath & give it to God. Find the peace in knowing He knows our path and He is walking it with us. He will not abandon us.

love love love,
S

I’m a Horrible Blogger

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It’s true. I have disappeared one too many times. I’m not writing to tell everyone I am back for good. Because I don’t really know. But I do have good news. Not THE good news, but it’s good news none the less. E and I just started on our second cycle of IVF!! I started my injections yesterday morning. They changed up the protocol this cycle. I am not taking the daily Lupron, but instead will be taking Cetrotide. Also, we will be doing both ICSI and assisted hatching this go round. We are feeling really good about the cycle. I am only working part time now at work, life is much less stressful and I feel like the timing now is better than before. We will be returning to Cleveland FOR GOOD in about 5 weeks and will be surrounded by family the entire pregnancy. We both feel so good about life right now. This is it. I just know it.

So, I started an Instagram to follow our journey through IVF to delivery (fingers crossed)! You can follow us at babyG_IVF

I will be posting there a lot more often than on here. It’s just easier to post a picture than to sit down and write an entire post. But I am still thinking of all my TTC sisters on here all the time. I pray for you all daily and I thank God that I found this community that has offered me so much support the passed few years. I am so blessed to not only be surrounded by love in my personal life, but virtually as well. If any of you have Instagram pages following your TTC journey, comment below and let me know your username so I can follow you!

love love love,
S

Drained

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Man, this week has been rough. The higher dosage of Clomid has all but killed me. I had a massive headache the first 4 days and after taking my last dose I was a mess. I was shaking, light headed, nauseous, and that headache had gotten worse. I had to have E come pick me up from work on Thursday, I could barely function. I slept pretty much all day… or tried to at least. Friday at work everyone started asking me WHY I was so sick. If I hear “Are you pregnant?” one more time I am going to cunt punt someone. And if one more idiot man asks me “Are you on drugs?” I am going to have a full blown fertility drug melt down on his ass. No, I am not pregannt & yes I am on drugs… but not the fun kind! 

Also, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am so exhausted all of the time, emotionally and physically. I am sick of people commenting on the dark circles under my eyes or the constant yawning. No, I don’t need to get more sleep… I get plenty, 9+ hours a night. Endo has just sucked the life out of me. I feel like I am constantly waging a war against my body. I have no control over my body or my emotions and I am sick of it.

So in other news, I have my follicle scan Monday afternoon. I am praying for healthy plump follicles! After this round of Clomid, I cannot take another. This needs to be the month. It just has to be.

 

Random Ramblings

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I survived a week with my in-laws!!! In all reality, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I had anticipated. I think they have grown to like me since E and I got married. Their fears have been calmed and his Mom was much less judgmental. We actually… dare I say it… had fun. Success.

Well I start round 4 of Clomid tonight. 150mg this time. If this month isn’t a success, I am going to request to go straight to Femara. I cannot handle this Clomid anger anymore. On top of that I think my endo is getting worse. Which we knew was a possibility, but I didn’t think it would happen so quickly. 

I had a dream last night that I had a one month old named Ricky. Just FYI that name would never happen. Anyway, he died. I can’t even have a baby in my dreams! Life is unfair sometimes. And struggling with infertility has made me bipolar. I am fine one minute all zen and praying and trusting in God, the next I am crying and screaming (literally) and cursing my fucked up body. Basket case. Total basket case.

So I am completely rambling right now. I do that a lot don’t I? 

Just, Life.

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First and foremost let me get this little PSA out of the way… Attention all women across the Globe: DO NOT ANNOUNCE YOUR PREGNANCY TO SOMEONE BATTLING INFERTILITY VIA SNAPCHAT. THANKS.

I mean honestly, how many pregnancy announcements will I get in my lifetime on Snap Chat? This marks #2 in 3 months. The icing on the cake for this announcement? She left her husband about 6 months ago because he BEAT HER. She had a restraining order on him and he was threatening her life. She decided she couldn’t live without him and took him back… They immediately started ttc.

And people like THAT get babies. Bye Felicia.

Anyway, on with life… E and mines anniversary is tomorrow! We don’t have anything excited planned because we’ve basically spent every dime we have on new furniture and appliances for the new house. We are old. We’ll probably go see 300 and get dinner at the Japanese place we had our first date! That’s the perfect kind of night though, I don’t need anything special or extravagant. I just need time with my hubby. I am extremely blessed to have him. He is amazing. ❤

So in TTC news, I just finished up my second round of Clomid. Still no side effects aside from crazy dreams and amazing sleep. I swear I have never slept better in my life. I call it the Clomid Coma. My dosage was doubled this month so I am praying that does the trick. I feel positive this month like this is THE month… but, let’s be honest, I feel that way every month. I just want it to be my turn. I want to be the one with the exciting news this time.