F is for Failure


First let’s get this out of the way, Clomid month 2 was not a success. I ovulated on day 23. Who does that? I typically only have a 24 day cycle. This stupid drug might not have given me mood swings or head aches but it has definitely fucked with my cycle. I don’t even know what to expect at this point, so next month I will just expect nothing. Even with ovulating so late, my period came a week after ovulation. Is that even enough time to implant? Is this ever going to work? I have done better this month at not having a breakdown over the failure. But I think that’s because I have been too busy to throw the 29 year old temper tantrum that I would normally throw.

What has kept me so busy you may ask?

1) Jury Duty for an entire week on an attempted first degree murder / assault with a deadly weapon trial. THRILLING. In all actuality, it was boring as all hell. Nothing like Law & Order. The bastard was guilty.

2) We moved into our new home (rental) over the weekend! So much moving, unpacking, decorating & shopping has happened in the past week my brain (and bank account) is in pain. Things are finally settled though. We were couchless for a week due to a back order issue, but today our couch arrived. And it’s starting to feel like a home around here!

3) The Flu. And by the flu I mean the most raunchy, horrible, cold sweat, puking every 45 minutes, wanting to die, longest two days of my life. It hit me out of no where Monday night and I didn’t leave the bed for 24+ hours. It was not pretty. My stomach muscles hurt from heaving into my toilet so much. I couldn’t even keep water down. I thought I was dying. No lie.

4) Work. Being out for a week for jury duty and then a day on my death bed means I am INCREDIBLY behind at work. I still haven’t caught up on all my e-mails. I guess that means I am important?

So on top of all of this I decided today to get homesick for Cleveland. It is the most awful, ache in the pit of your stomach, type of sadness when you miss your home. I would give my left leg (maybe even my left ovary) if we could just move home.

I need a drink.