Comparison

ImageWe live in a world of over sharing thanks to social networking. Which also means we live in a world where we are comparing ourselves to others more than ever. Every pregnancy announcement on my news feed makes my stomach churn and my heart break. My blocked list on Facebook & Instagram has reached an all time high.

Two huge factors play into my compulsive comparison: 1) My age. I am 29. This means most of my friends from home are starting families, or adding on to their existing families. 2) I also live in a military town. For those of you who don’t know, military families breed like rabbits. No really, I cannot go ANYWHERE without seeing at least 5-10 pregnant women. Even worse, by my age most women in this town have already completed their families and are sending their children off to kindergarten.

I cannot help but feel like my friends and family are passing me by. I am standing here in this limbo, waiting, watching, praying, worrying and trying not to worry. I put up walls to protect my heart from the never ending list of ecstatic pregnant friends. And I bite my tongue when those friends complain about morning sickness, or how they are so sleep deprived. It sounds silly, but I would give anything to have morning sickness or to be running on 3 hours of sleep after nursing a crying baby.

All of that said, this does not mean I am not happy for my friends. I am happy for them, I share in their joy and I attend their baby showers. I rush to the hospital when they go into labor. I spoil their children. I cry when they cry & I laugh when they laugh.

It is hard to watch others get, so easily, what you have to work so hard to have. But I do know one thing, when E and I finally have our family it will be such a sweet thing. I will never take for granted one single moment.