Finding Strength

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A friend told me last night that she admires my strength and how I still live my life and have a positive outlook while facing these challenges. It almost caught me off guard. When I look at myself in the mirror I paint these words onto myself: infertile, sick, diseased, angry, sad, numb. But never strong.

There was a time when I would’ve considered myself strong. I have been through a lot in my life. And 2 years ago, in the middle of my rock bottom, I packed up my car and moved south on a whim. No real plan. No friends. I just started over. That took strength. That took balls I don’t think I have anymore! But today I feel anything but strong on the inside. And I guess it’s time I stop that.

I am strong. I have faced challenges both big and small in my life. I have persevered. I stand here today facing this obstacle with some strange optimism that it WILL work out. I don’t know where that hope comes from. Because I still break down every month when my period starts. I cry myself to sleep some nights. And I guess I always thought that made me weak. But it doesn’t, it makes me human.

My friends kind words, though she may have thought they were insignificant, meant so much to me. Today I know I possess a strength and determination to survive this struggle. I will show this disease who’s boss.